Negative. The word in itself connotes something harmful or bad, and yet today, “negative” means celebration. For days and weeks now, I’ve been having morning sickness, dizzy spells, missed period — signs usually associated with conceiving or pregnancy.
Alam mo yung namamalengke ka lang tapos makakaramdam ka ng pagkahilo, biglang panlalamig ng sikmura, parang masusuka?
Forever the paranoid, I immediately dropped by the nearest drugstore and bought pregnancy kit after experiencing the sensation.
Why all the fuss?
For women like me in their late 30s, with two teenagers, the least we have in mind is to go through the same bittersweet predicament fifteen years ago. Fifteen years old na kasi ang bunso ko. Oo, masaya sana na may bulilit ka pa sa bahay, laruan pag nabuburyong, kakampi pag inapi ka ng mag-aama mo, pero marami din kasi talaga ang dapat na i-factor-in sa ngayon, age notwithstanding. Kailangan mo ng KKK. Kayamanan, kalusugan, at katapangan.
First of all, I have an allergic rhinitis. A friend in high school almost had rendezvous with the angel of death when she conceived in her mid-30s. She also has rhinitis. Imagine the ordeal? The sneezing, runny nose, watery eyes plus the medication could possibly be harmful. Thankfully, she and her beautiful daughter survived to tell their story.
Second, life is more relaxed now with grown-up children. To conceive means to give up your me-time, to wait for your tummy pop up after nine solid months, to see yourself in the mirror with puffy every-thing (nose, eyes, chin, feet, hands, etc).
Third, conceiving means saving more money! You don’t just burst a child into this world to suffer. A parent must be able to give proper care, education, nourishment, and all other requirements for the baby to grow normal. Di ba? Ang complicated. Sana kung pwede lang na basta umire sa hangin at bahala na si baby sa buhay niya. Pero hindi nga ganoon.
Anyway, the kit showed just one purple band visible on the test region. Hooray! It gave me a glimpse of hope that the monthly red will soon follow. I was so yabang and all, like a real gung-ho. But in the days that followed, wala pa rin. Hinayupak. Saan naglamyerda ang monthly red, aber! My fear escalated. Besides, the morning sickness and dizzy spells won’t go. Yesterday, I decided to perform another test. Walang sukuan to. Pucha.
There’s a slight probability (maybe) that the first test got wrong. Eh kasi ginawa ko sya in the middle of the day. Ang sabi sa instructions, wait until early morning for your urine is most suitable since it generally contains the highest concentration of hCG or human chorionic gonadtropin.
Result says negative still!
Jowa was supposedly excited. He told me about considering a good OB Gyne, a nice-sounding (and profound?) baby name, and talking our panganay and bunso to raising their baby brother or sister. Baka daw nung umalis sya ay tumakbo ako sa doktor at pinatanggal ko para negative ang lumabas. Mga ganung eklavu. To be honest, I’m also excited with the prospect but not with the difficulty that comes with it.
Could there be false result? I don’t think so. However, there are possible reasons for false result:
- Abnormal medical condition. So far, wala naman akong ganoon. Unless sasabihin mong abnormal yung allergic rhinitis ko. Hindi naman. Ako siguro, pwede pang tawaging abnormal most of the time.
- Ectopic pregnancy. Walang history nito sa angkan namin. Eto yung pregnancy outside of uterus.
- Ovarian cyst. I had a general check-up at safe naman si matris, sabi ni ate doktora!
- Expired kit. Nyahahaha! Di ako bumibili ng expired na pregnancy kit.
So that’s the story.
I guess kailangan na naming mag-celebrate. Yun lang!