August 1st, 2016

These days, peace and happiness are quite hard to come by. Maybe because we’re too preoccupied with so many things: catastrophes, workloads, personal issues, ambitions that seem hard to achieve. I suspect it could also be my consumption of too much pork and too much sweets, as the husband would quip.

Bottomline is, I’m feeling like I’m stuck in a rut. The same rut that bloody sent crazy people into oblivion!

The feeling is so familiar. Paralyzingly real. It’s when you would just want to sit all day, stare at nothing. Play blind and deaf. Stop minding the world. Disappear forever!

The irony of it.

Indeed, you cannot have a full control of everything — not even your own life. To some extent, I was thinking this year’s my super year because honestly, blessings came abundantly. Friends multiplied. Authority figures became more considerate. And yet, all these self-defeating thoughts… again?

I gave up on the idea that self-help books are a savior. They’re merely business ploys for the authors and merchandisers to earn at the expense of others. The real arena is the self. When conflicting beliefs and ideas arise, that’s when you should be more attuned internally. Easier said than done, huh?

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