Archive for the ‘Kiddie Corner’ Category

A touching story about Marriage.

January 31, 2010 - 4:08 pm 4 Comments

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?images2

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Six Change Habits for 2010: New Start on Old Habits

December 29, 2009 - 1:18 pm No Comments

smiley_1_big1

A Facebook friend’s status reads: “He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool. (FM Knowles)”. Somehow it made me a bit hesitant to do a blog entry on this.

A resolution, most of the time is like a wick in an oil lamp, burning passionately at the beginning, then fading off quickly afterwards. Nevertheless, it doesn’t make one less of a person to (still) practice writing a resolution, if only to build some sense of perspective.

A New Year’s resolution represents a “commitment”. Wikipedia points to it as something that most of us make to a project which may be long term or short term. It can also mean the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous.

As the calendar marks the unfolding of a new year, we often come up with numerous lists as a way to start the year right. However, the very act of enumerating too much makes it harder to accomplish, thus rendering itself irrelevant. It takes a lot of hard work to stick and make things happen as planned. In my experience, it’s another story. I don’t know why. Maybe because of my rebellious nature. I seem to defy even my own rules. Does that make my resolutions irrelevant then? Obviously.

But I really would want to revive a few things about myself. These made me appreciate my existence better. Maybe if I go back to doing them in the coming years, I’d find more essence in this world. Zenhabits provided practical tips and guide on how to stick to a new year’s resolution. Accordingly, you must limit your resolution to six (6 changes method), meaning you have to pick ONLY six habits that you deem doable.

This year, I would love to:

1. Revive my knowledge on Pranic Healing. Some time ago, hubby and I attended a workshop on pranic healing, an ancient method of energy healing introduced by Master Choa Kuk Sui. A holistic form of healing, pranic does not rely on drugs but on raw energies around us. Through the years, my husband continuously applied this to our children and it has done wonders. They instantly felt relieved after swipes of negative energies are released. I, on the other hand, halted after I had a job in Manila. My hectic work schedule and shaky moods prevented me from doing so. One has to be emotionally stable to be able to do pranic healing. I hope this year I can do it again.

2. Go places. I used to travel as part of my job, but it was spent mostly on the ‘work’ aspect. I wish I had documented them and squeezed a little time to go to the nearest tourist spots. Well it isn’t too late yet. :D

3. Work with the youth. I find their vigor and energy monumentally refreshing and contagious. When I am with young people (as with my students) its as if I’m living each day like it was my FIRST. As opposed to the adage that goes ‘live each day as if it were your last’, the former makes you see each day free from all the pain, heartache and disappointments that can weigh you down.

4. Brush up on my language skills. Hmmm, this one is self-explanatory.

5. Save. Impulsive buyer that I am, saving is non-existent in my vocabulary. I practically am mad at money! You see, they don’t stay long in my wallet. I wonder why. Haha. Oh well, that maybe because of my husband who’s exactly my opposite. I better learn from him this time.

6. Improve sleep habits. These days I hardly sleep at all. My eyebags have started to become maletas (travelling bags!), good enough to house a week-worth of travel clothes. To do that means fixing my erratic schedule first. Battle cry should be sleep early, wake up early!

Have a Prosperous 2010 folks!

Unforgettable Devcom Students

July 4, 2009 - 10:44 am 4 Comments

averageYears of teaching plus a solid  encounter with different types of students had created a big impact in my life and has taught me to ponder what was I like as a student myself. Did I annoy my professors with how I always chose to keep silent in their classes and how I allowed my brain to do the processing instead?  Why, I need a considerable amount of coaxing before I can have the extra courage to stand up and say my piece. That was not all, I was (consistently) in the bottom quartile of my high school and college classes in Mathematics! Up until today, I still have nightmares of failing the subject and not making it to the graduating class. My strength is language (as far as I know hehe). However, this article isn’t about me. Truth be told, I have been wanting to write something about the most memorable AB Development Communication students I had in my years with the academe not because they belong to my favorites (admit it or not, teachers do have their chosen few) but because without knowing it — they gave me certain realizations. Priceless.

Some of them are antagonists, some are really made of sweet stuff, and some are simply amazing.

1.  The Emo Kid.goth_emo2 I sometimes think of her as the crying lady or the drama princess because of her propensity to cry (I swear her tear glands are so active that she cries, happy or otherwise!). We became really close friends during the time she was in CLSU until today. This despite the fact that I seldom make friends (a colleague once said I seem to be overly protective of my own bubble). But what made her personality endearing to me are her qualities of being reliable (not just as a student and friend but as a leader as well), persistence to finish a given task even if it means sweat and blood, her sweetness, her courage to point out your wrong, her openness, her lack of pretensions. And to top it all up, before her graduation, we had to battle with nasty stalkers. When I think about it now, I know that part only made us closer together.

2. Ms. Sunshine-y Lady. It’s every teacher’s delight to see a beaming face inside the classroom from time to time. Ms Sunshine-y girl is the epitome of positive thinking, always smiling as if telling me ” everything is gonna be okay”. She does well in class in fact, she’s among the top 5 in all the courses/subjects I handled in their batch. Her essays were not impeccably written, but always with honest-to-goodness stuff injected in it.  I wonder where she is right now?
(To be continued)

Reading Maya

May 9, 2009 - 5:59 am 6 Comments

loneliness_by_soulofautumn87
“Alone”
(Maya Angelou, 1981)

Lying, thinking
last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not a stone
I came up with one thing
And I don’t believe I’m wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can’t use
Their wives run around like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They’ve got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No nobody
Can make it out here alone.

On Teaching

April 23, 2008 - 4:49 am No Comments

(This was written prior to my resignation in the academe a year ago.)

Five years in the academe has taught me so many life lessons that I will not trade with anything else, nor will I ever forget should I finally decide to bid CLSU goodbye. It has taught me to treasure every single moment I had inside this premiere university. Each session, whether good or bad, is an opportunity to learn. It is true that not all the time is a perfect time to teach. There will always be glitches, personal or otherwise. At other times – you will feel as if you’re the luckiest person alive! Either way, I realized that my profession has made me a better person because of the learning experiences I had.

Teaching is not unlike governing, says Conrado De Quiros. “The best teacher is not one who is so brilliant he is able to dazzle his students throughout his course. He is one who is so brilliant he is able to dispel his students’ awe at the end of it. The best teacher is not one who is able to keep his students in perpetual studenthood. He is one who is able to turn his students into their own teachers. The best teacher is not who makes himself as gratuitous as an act of grace.”

I believe that the best knowledge worker is not measured by the string of accomplishments he has in his CV, but one who uses such to benefit students in the best way possible. He is not one who sways his students’ opinion to affirm his very own views or beliefs but one who makes them think/decide on their own. Why, a good teacher is not one who creates a “clone” out of his students but one who makes them discover ways to assert themselves by allowing them to voice out their own perspectives. A good teacher is one who empowers. He teaches because he wants to demystify “learning” in its truest sense.

People may always have something to say about teachers and their different pedagogical approaches. One thing is for sure though. And it is that in everything, what matters is you think about students’ best interest. Oh you can be funny sometimes, strict, intellectual, or even techie – but all these must still depend on its appropriateness to the very needs of the learners. I also think that the best thing in this profession is getting to learn alongside students, not just in academic terms. Honestly, most of the realizations I had in the past five years were inspiration from my students. What I got from them is far too far compared to what I got in the office or even in the college. Maybe months from now – I will finally be working in a different setting. Be that as it may seem – all the values-slash-realizations-slash-experience-slash-lessons I have gotten from them – will always remain in my heart no matter what.

Finally, I must say how it is such a rewarding experience to become a knowledge worker who brings learning at the fore.  J