January 24th, 2017

One thing that’s certain about holidays is that it can add plenty of unwanted pounds to your frame, enough to shatter your digital bathroom scale.

That’s right. Take it from me.

On the last throes of 2016, we spent the Christmas season in my hometown in Pili, Camarines Sur. The place is my mini-wonderland of sorts, with Mother whipping all the delectable food in my wishlist. Not to mention, husband and I had to dine out too whenever we need to buy groceries. So yes, it’s the dreaded extra flabs here and there that’s making me position the selfie stick up there. If I point it to my frame on the same level, God knows what kind of gigantic slab of fat you’d see. Horrors.

I also think no amount of weight loss supplements could help for now. Experts say some of these could actually even damage your body’s metabolism. So, no to that.

What I discovered though is that you can actually wear tunic dresses to minimize those flab from becoming obvious. The last few days of January and perhaps early February I will devote to hunting for tunic dresses.

I’ve been following a blogger, MommyFleur (who says motherhood and kikayness do not mix) and I found her tunic outfits so classy and fabulous.

Parang ganito oh. Saan kaya ako makakahanap nyan. Hmmmmm.

The Big Scare

January 22nd, 2017

Negative. The word in itself connotes something harmful or bad, and yet today, “negative” means celebration. For days and weeks now, I’ve been having morning sickness, dizzy spells, missed period — signs usually associated with conceiving or pregnancy.

Alam mo yung namamalengke ka lang tapos makakaramdam ka ng pagkahilo, biglang panlalamig ng sikmura, parang masusuka?

Forever the paranoid, I immediately dropped by the nearest drugstore and bought pregnancy kit after experiencing the sensation.

Why all the fuss?

For women like me in their late 30s, with two teenagers, the least we have in mind is to go through the same bittersweet predicament fifteen years ago. Fifteen years old na kasi ang bunso ko. Oo, masaya sana na may bulilit ka pa sa bahay, laruan pag nabuburyong, kakampi pag inapi ka ng mag-aama mo, pero marami din kasi talaga ang dapat na i-factor-in sa ngayon, age notwithstanding. Kailangan mo ng KKK. Kayamanan, kalusugan, at katapangan.

First of all, I have an allergic rhinitis. A friend in high school almost had rendezvous with the angel of death when she conceived in her mid-30s. She also has rhinitis. Imagine the ordeal? The sneezing, runny nose, watery eyes plus the medication could possibly be harmful. Thankfully, she and her beautiful daughter survived to tell their story.

Second, life is more relaxed now with grown-up children. To conceive means to give up your me-time, to wait for your tummy pop up after nine solid months, to see yourself in the mirror with puffy every-thing (nose, eyes, chin, feet, hands, etc).

Third, conceiving means saving more money! You don’t just burst a child into this world to suffer. A parent must be able to give proper care, education, nourishment, and all other requirements for the baby to grow normal. Di ba? Ang complicated. Sana kung pwede lang na basta umire sa hangin at bahala na si baby sa buhay niya. Pero hindi nga ganoon.

Anyway, the kit showed just one purple band visible on the test region. Hooray! It gave me a glimpse of hope that the monthly red will soon follow. I was so yabang and all, like a real gung-ho. But in the days that followed, wala pa rin. Hinayupak. Saan naglamyerda ang monthly red, aber! My fear escalated. Besides, the morning sickness and dizzy spells won’t go. Yesterday, I decided to perform another test. Walang sukuan to. Pucha.

There’s a slight probability (maybe) that the first test got wrong. Eh kasi ginawa ko sya in the middle of the day. Ang sabi sa instructions, wait until early morning for your urine is most suitable since it generally contains the highest concentration of hCG or human chorionic gonadtropin.

Well, surprise.

Result says negative still!

Jowa was supposedly excited. He told me about considering a good OB Gyne, a nice-sounding (and profound?) baby name, and talking our panganay and bunso to raising their baby brother or sister. Baka daw nung umalis sya ay tumakbo ako sa doktor at pinatanggal ko para negative ang lumabas. Mga ganung eklavu. To be honest, I’m also excited with the prospect but not with the difficulty that comes with it.

Could there be false result? I don’t think so. However, there are possible reasons for false result:

  1. Abnormal medical condition. So far, wala naman akong ganoon. Unless sasabihin mong abnormal yung allergic rhinitis ko. Hindi naman. Ako siguro, pwede pang tawaging abnormal most of the time.
  2. Ectopic pregnancy. Walang history nito sa angkan namin. Eto yung pregnancy outside of uterus.
  3. Ovarian cyst. I had a general check-up at safe naman si matris, sabi ni ate doktora!
  4. Expired kit. Nyahahaha! Di ako bumibili ng expired na pregnancy kit.

So that’s the story.

I guess kailangan na naming mag-celebrate. Yun lang!


August 1st, 2016

These days, peace and happiness are quite hard to come by. Maybe because we’re too preoccupied with so many things: catastrophes, workloads, personal issues, ambitions that seem hard to achieve. I suspect it could also be my consumption of too much pork and too much sweets, as the husband would quip.

Bottomline is, I’m feeling like I’m stuck in a rut. The same rut that bloody sent crazy people into oblivion!

The feeling is so familiar. Paralyzingly real. It’s when you would just want to sit all day, stare at nothing. Play blind and deaf. Stop minding the world. Disappear forever!

The irony of it.

Indeed, you cannot have a full control of everything — not even your own life. To some extent, I was thinking this year’s my super year because honestly, blessings came abundantly. Friends multiplied. Authority figures became more considerate. And yet, all these self-defeating thoughts… again?

I gave up on the idea that self-help books are a savior. They’re merely business ploys for the authors and merchandisers to earn at the expense of others. The real arena is the self. When conflicting beliefs and ideas arise, that’s when you should be more attuned internally. Easier said than done, huh?

Thinking Green

August 1st, 2016

Everywhere you look, the world always seem to point out something that is horribly, unspeakably, despicably wrong: your choice of clothes, your shoes, your cosmetics, the cellular phone you have, the food you eat, the gadgets you use, the curves you have or your lack of it, and so on and so forth. Thanks to media and the influence it has over humankind. Without you knowing, it conditions you how to be “perennially young and savvy and fashionable.” It insists that there is always something new and inviting. You have to try it, lest you be branded as “jurassic”, “old fashioned”, “fat”.

How? SHOP all you want. Buy NEW stuff: wardrobe, electronics, vehicles, appliances, even slimming and whitening pills and meds. Name it, the world has it.

Honestly, I am getting tired of all of these. Capitalism and consumerism surely had eaten whatever tiny amount of reason that’s left behind every thinking human brain. I can see clearly now, thanks to Annie Leonard, how man’s current behavior (read: excessive consumerism and spending) is closely related to a system called extraction-production-consumption that is making us an obsessed entity: obsessed with too much stuff that is slowly thrashing the planet, and pushing us to the edge of destruction!

IMG_1540We had a long holiday vacation in my hometown last December. Thankful that the place still resembled how it was years ago (lots of green everywhere), I no longer question why progress is somewhat slow in this part of the planet. At least, the place has not lent itself too much to extraction or the use of natural resources to fuel the nation/world’s economy. Development, as seen by the economic giants, actually means exhaustion of all the resources we have – so that businesses will expand – so people will have things/stuff to buy. It’s a cycle that continues to enrich those already wealthy.

Silently, I mull on a few aspects. Not replacing my old phone means lesser contribution to landfills or incineration that also ruins the planet. But I also think about how many trees are cut down for my books to be produced =( (I cant give up on that one…I still see myself lining on every book sale there is)

With that, I’ll try to spend less this year and beyond. Maybe then, I’ll see this planet smiling. Maybe, with that, I can still help delay this world’s travel toward extinction level.

Hunger Games

June 1st, 2016

Sorry for the allusion. I don’t know how long this (pretension towards food aversion) will last. I just thought of giving it a try, and so this vow not to touch food, much less stare at any. =( My office mate offered her lunch a few minutes back. I just said no. But I took her Twinings (Pure Camomile).

Last night, somebody approached me and mercilessly declared how I’m showing flabs all over. For health reasons, I was advised to stop eating. Or that’s how I understand it to be. Stop eating. That statement pinched my heart. You see, I enjoy food so much that it feels like total deprivation not having any.

But maybe. He’s right. Every time I have to walk a few miles, or run an errand — I notice a different kind of tiredness that wasn’t evident before. I used to be lithe and petite in college, even when I had my first born. However, marriage, and another baby, plus an income way higher than before, probably made me this…uh, overweight person who has no control of her food intake.

Maybe it’s about time I accept the fact I’m no longer getting any younger. Let’s give this a try.

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