Jasmine.

Source: Happy Birthday Daughter, Birthday Poem for Family http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/happy-birthday-daughter#ixzz1fpn9RKHu

My two-year-old ATM card has gone without a trace. Not even a plain “bye” or “good riddance, you ain’t givin’ me fat paychecks! No way I’m staying!”.

So now, I am left with a lovely ten peso coin in my purse. If I may add, I was also able to reach home “late” on the very day I lost my ATM card.  Turns out, the driver forgot the very basic function of gasoline on his vehicle. He didn’t mind checking if his jeepney will still run all the way to San Jose  from Cabanatuan. The passengers, including yours truly,  looked like some poorly-jammed sardines in a small can.

I came home late, stayed longer at our house’s gate than usual. The man was sick, the kids probably didn’t notice my SMS asking for someone to please come down and open the gate for me.

And this is how I came to remember Murphy’s Law.

Murphy’s Law is a popular adage that states that “things will go wrong in any given situation, if you give them a chance,” or more commonly, “whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.” (Wikiquote)

However, I would love to think about it this way. Sometimes, things go haywire because they  have to. No warnings. No clear signals. Maybe because a bigger purpose is about to unfold. Do you will for bad things to happen? Only masochists and sadists do that. As much as possible, we wish for things and situations in our life to go smoothly: for the kids to get the gold in Math competitions, for you to “somehow” receive your cash bonus (smiley), for the husband to raise funds for the car (uhm, that was quite a consumerist mindset), so on and so forth.

But clearly, we don’t cross the line into full-on Byrne-esque kind of disposition when it comes to achieving some sense of positivity. Not to the point of blurring-out or not recognizing that misfortunes or bad moments may actually exist in real life. Murphy’s law or not, we have to accept that things, whether good or bad, happen. It may be out of pure coincidence or the other way around. Then again, it is the attitude that counts. Like they always say, you create your own destiny, you create your own self. How else can you be a better creator than by acquainting yourself with good and bad, sweetness and bitterness (of life), happiness and sadness?

After a string of unlikely situations, thank heavens for clarity and peace of mind…and support people…I’m back to the happy ol’ me…no stress…

Over the past few days, I’ve been like an onion: easily permeable, as if anything done or said against me can crush my soul to teeny-tiny pieces (hahaha. drama queen). But then again, it happens. I don’t mind being transparent as long as I can guarantee that no (innocent) life gets ruined. Now that sounds really funny.

I wonder where that high level of sensitivity came from. Am I becoming too emotional to the point of bothering myself with inanities? Or maybe, its just another manifestation of praning days ready to rumble. My theory is that, Mother consumed a lot of sibuyas while I was in her tummy. Makes more sense.

Today, I just feel like sharing this (from Yahoo’s horoscope for Gemini’s):

People who want everyone to be happy can never be good leaders — they’re too busy keeping everyone’s needs satisfied. There will never be enough time in your life for planning and ambition if you are too concerned with communicating clearly with other people. Don’t bother to ask for permission to do what you want right now — you can ask for forgiveness later if you need to. You know what you are doing, and people are ready to follow your lead. Show them the way to go.

Bliss.
I have understood that now as a mother to my eleven-year-old son and nine-year-old daughter. In contrast to what I perceived before as an overrated show of affection & protectiveness parents have for their children, I kind of feel a sense of enlightenment from ignorance, a fundamental shift away from self-focus to a more nurturing, compassionate, doting side of the self.

This morning, as the kids dress up for school, I realized how grown-up they have become. Gone are the days when my arms and shoulder would suffer night and day from carrying their chubby little bodies. I miss those moments when I have to lull them to sleep, feed them with baby food, or wash their chocolate-stained baby clothes. I smiled at the reminiscence of their first taste of education. Elmo only turned three when I enrolled him at a preparatory school. It was funny how amazed his teacher was that he’s more familiar with his senior classmates about shapes, alphabet, numbers, etc. He can even recite the abcd‘s in reverse order, and answers his activity books way before the school year ends. There was one occasion I asked his yaya to erase all his answers from the book.

I looked at Elmo and Faith now and I can’t help but utter a silent/sincere thanks, we (husband and I) probably are doing a great job. Aside from occasional bouts of childhood silliness, my children are every parents’ dream. Sweet and responsible kids. They both do well in school. Not that I’m grade-conscious, nonetheless, I feel proud seeing high marks on their report card. Second grading period surprised me with an average of 98% for my daughter and 95% for my son, who is, by the way, going to graduate from primary school this year.

Bliss is that sudden leap of joy when you hear them say “Nanay, alis na po ako/kami. I love you.” An instant reminder of God’s infinite, unconditional love for humanity. Bliss is the unexplainable urge to be a better person no matter what. Bliss is resolving to weather any kind of storms to protect them from things that may hamper their full potential’s development. Bliss is just being thankful. For these precious gifts.

You think life is hard as shit? Oops. Not too quick. Think again. You see, life can be uber fun and rife with pleasant surprises. It can be harsh, yes, but it can also take you to a whole new level.

Yesterday, I was absolutely floating in mid air. Zero gravity, dude! And if it isn’t obvious enough why this sudden “high”, here’s why.

I browsed eBay for something I’d been hoping to have since early this year. In 2010, I had to shell out my entire Christmas bonus and savings as counterpart for my parents’ piece of land in Bicol. I didn’t actually bought anything for myself. But I finally found this thing on eBay and was instantly mesmerized. It’s been discounted at 30 percent off. Instead of paying its original price pegged at 8.5K, I was able to have it 5.9K.

A day after my payment confirmation, I received an email stating when I shall be receiving my package. A couple of days more and voila, I already get to enjoy its many surprises. Life after all isn’t all crap and shit.

Now I will have a reason not to squeeze in my schedule the yearly book fair, which is quite inconvenient on my part as I’m not based in Manila. Besides, my Amazon Kindle 3 can hold up to 3,500 book titles. Suck it! Hahaha. The only downside, I guess, is that I can’t have local (Filipino) titles. But aside from that, all else is upside: battery life, wireless coverage, PDF support, text-to-speech, plus stacking up against competition. This is one of the best e-readers, so the reviewers claim.

There’s a new version called Kindle Fire that comes in full color, but I’m after functionality. I just need to read, so I don’t mind if my e-reader comes in black and white.

Out of excitement, I asked hubby to fill my Amazon Kindle 3 with books by interesting and favorite authors – Stephen King, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Amy Tan, Chuck Palahniuk, David Sedaris, Franz Kafka, Harper Lee, Ian MacEwan, Malcolm Gladwell, Stieg Larrson, and a lot more. Am currently poring my eyes at Tucker Max’s “Assholes Finish First”, and Steig Larrson’s “The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest”.

I can’t thank the heavens enough. Thank you, Universe!

*****************

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.”

Rainer Maria Rilke (Austro-German lyric poet, author of Duino Elegies and Sonnets to Orpheus, 1875-1926)