Ennuistic

August 1st, 2016

These days, peace and happiness are quite hard to come by. Maybe because we’re too preoccupied with so many things: catastrophes, workloads, personal issues, ambitions that seem hard to achieve. I suspect it could also be my consumption of too much pork and too much sweets, as the husband would quip.

Bottomline is, I’m feeling like I’m stuck in a rut. The same rut that bloody sent crazy people into oblivion!

The feeling is so familiar. Paralyzingly real. It’s when you would just want to sit all day, stare at nothing. Play blind and deaf. Stop minding the world. Disappear forever!

The irony of it.

Indeed, you cannot have a full control of everything — not even your own life. To some extent, I was thinking this year’s my super year because honestly, blessings came abundantly. Friends multiplied. Authority figures became more considerate. And yet, all these self-defeating thoughts… again?

I gave up on the idea that self-help books are a savior. They’re merely business ploys for the authors and merchandisers to earn at the expense of others. The real arena is the self. When conflicting beliefs and ideas arise, that’s when you should be more attuned internally. Easier said than done, huh?

Thinking Green

August 1st, 2016

Everywhere you look, the world always seem to point out something that is horribly, unspeakably, despicably wrong: your choice of clothes, your shoes, your cosmetics, the cellular phone you have, the food you eat, the gadgets you use, the curves you have or your lack of it, and so on and so forth. Thanks to media and the influence it has over humankind. Without you knowing, it conditions you how to be “perennially young and savvy and fashionable.” It insists that there is always something new and inviting. You have to try it, lest you be branded as “jurassic”, “old fashioned”, “fat”.

How? SHOP all you want. Buy NEW stuff: wardrobe, electronics, vehicles, appliances, even slimming and whitening pills and meds. Name it, the world has it.

Honestly, I am getting tired of all of these. Capitalism and consumerism surely had eaten whatever tiny amount of reason that’s left behind every thinking human brain. I can see clearly now, thanks to Annie Leonard, how man’s current behavior (read: excessive consumerism and spending) is closely related to a system called extraction-production-consumption that is making us an obsessed entity: obsessed with too much stuff that is slowly thrashing the planet, and pushing us to the edge of destruction!

IMG_1540We had a long holiday vacation in my hometown last December. Thankful that the place still resembled how it was years ago (lots of green everywhere), I no longer question why progress is somewhat slow in this part of the planet. At least, the place has not lent itself too much to extraction or the use of natural resources to fuel the nation/world’s economy. Development, as seen by the economic giants, actually means exhaustion of all the resources we have – so that businesses will expand – so people will have things/stuff to buy. It’s a cycle that continues to enrich those already wealthy.

Silently, I mull on a few aspects. Not replacing my old phone means lesser contribution to landfills or incineration that also ruins the planet. But I also think about how many trees are cut down for my books to be produced =( (I cant give up on that one…I still see myself lining on every book sale there is)

With that, I’ll try to spend less this year and beyond. Maybe then, I’ll see this planet smiling. Maybe, with that, I can still help delay this world’s travel toward extinction level.

Hunger Games

June 1st, 2016

Sorry for the allusion. I don’t know how long this (pretension towards food aversion) will last. I just thought of giving it a try, and so this vow not to touch food, much less stare at any. =( My office mate offered her lunch a few minutes back. I just said no. But I took her Twinings (Pure Camomile).

Last night, somebody approached me and mercilessly declared how I’m showing flabs all over. For health reasons, I was advised to stop eating. Or that’s how I understand it to be. Stop eating. That statement pinched my heart. You see, I enjoy food so much that it feels like total deprivation not having any.

But maybe. He’s right. Every time I have to walk a few miles, or run an errand — I notice a different kind of tiredness that wasn’t evident before. I used to be lithe and petite in college, even when I had my first born. However, marriage, and another baby, plus an income way higher than before, probably made me this…uh, overweight person who has no control of her food intake.

Maybe it’s about time I accept the fact I’m no longer getting any younger. Let’s give this a try.

Woes of an Overweight Mom

February 24th, 2012

Lately, I’m like a vehicle whose brakes have been badly broken. My hunger pangs have become ever-present, even right after consuming five servings of rice and viands. Construction workers would be shamed at this utter display of arrogance.

Imagine, a woman in her 30s, eating like its the end of the world?

This morning, my eyes almost popped out of their sockets after our bathroom scale registers my current weight. S-e-r-i-o-u-s-l-y?

How depressing. I wish fats and cholesterol can be easily washed off by water. Now I know why I keep having strange palpitations in the middle of the day, and why my nape and my back often hurts.

Maybe its my way of coping with daily stress at work and personal life. When I eat during lunch time for example, I don’t settle for just one meal (rice plus at least two viands), I’d better have icy-cold soft drinks, an ice-cream thereafter or any sweets (meringue, chocolates) to “sense” that I have indeed taken my precious lunch. In the evening, before going to bed, I still raid our cupboard for loaves of bread, coffee, and whatever will fill my digestive organs.

Whatever happened to the skinny girl I once was? I often told people before that I’d have some “fats” (to go with my skeleton of a frame) someday. Not one instance that I did not get ridiculed by how thin-looking I was as a young adult. Was it rebellion on my part? Was it again, as Randy David puts it, a manifestation of previous deprivation?

For what reason it might be, the most important thing is to address this unhealthy eating habit. So I’m starting now. And I mean, now! God help me.

First step I did was to tell my office mates to ignore me during mealtimes. I’d love to see my grandchildren grow up in the future. With that in mind, I’m serious at watching the food I eat, and eating in moderation. I said maybe, they can exclude me from snacks which I love as the mid-afternoon sets. I practically gorge on pancit malabon or palabok, with kakanin on the side. Maybe I’ll have to pass on that one too.

Second step is to be more physically active. I liked it that my workmates recently have developed love for bowling. Every Thursday after office hours, we go out to play this game. Last night, I won three out of four games. I was ecstatic! My record during our first four visits to the bowling lane consistently placed me  in the “kalabasa” (loser) award category.

Third step is to nourish my brain. When you eat a lot, you feed only one system. You overfeed it, in fact. Boosting the brain is to divert attention from food. Aside from sharpening the memory, brain training preserves our gray matter and puts it in excellent condition.

Says Sharon Begley in her Times Magazine article, “By raising our mental game…we know more, understand more deeply, make greater creative leaps, retain what we read, see connections invisible to other — not merely to make the most of what we have between our ears now, but to be in a word, smarter…” To do this, I guess I’ll have to engage my Elmo and Faith to play word puzzles with me. Plus I still have unread books waiting to be finished.

Yet…I’m still hungry! Haha. Lord help me.

Those Three Magic Words

February 7th, 2012

Yes, those three nice words. How it makes me want to somersault and momentarily fly in mid-air. But sometimes we tend to be so caught up in the busy-ness of our daily grind,  we forget little things that sweeten our existence. Pardon me for being saccharine-y, it’s Valentines day soon, remember?

We become so obsessed with too much complexity. We know how to have fun, but is it in our system to be “appreciative” of simple things? I don’t think so. Don’t tell me you’re not guilty of  it as well. The truth is that happiness don’t really cost a thing. Perhaps, that’s what we miss on hindsight. Like they always say, the best things in life are “free”.

Every day, we leave for work, accomplish things, get into a roller coaster ride of emotions,  eat a lot, play and party a lot, the list goes on. Yet, how many times have we smiled at ourselves, marveled at the strangeness-and-familiarity of things around us? Can you count the times you’ve stared and got lost in the beauty that abounds this world? How many times have you engaged yourself for some time of relaxation such as listening to birds chirping, frogs croaking, ants mating? lol. Have you ever been “still” even for a while?

These are simple things that I myself  am not conscious of.  I tell you it’s not a sin to be cloyingly sweet. Well, unless you’re doing it to hide something (*wink).

Today is fascinating for me. This isn’t the kind of day that makes me sullen with discomfort, thanks that we’re not bothered by a steamy or rainy weather. I was in fact startled that I didn’t get to notice everyday how my mini-me’s Faith and Elmo would chorus on their way to school: “Bye Ma (for Faith), Bye Nay (for Elmo)” followed by “I love you!”…sometimes said five to six times before heading out our door. Priceless! (To be continued)

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